Listening for Healing: The Musicality of the Actualising Tendency in Action.

by Mike Moss

I would like to present a view on the importance of the actualising tendency in the therapeutic relationship and intend to show how it may be active in the client’s choice of the music they listen to, and how it can add to therapeutic growth and change. The reader may recall from their own experience how music can be important at times of emotional need and how the music we listen to can attract positive and negative memories, and can play a part in helping shape the person we are in the process of becoming.

From his research, the psychologist Carl Rogers (1902-87), believed there was an ideal self, and that self-actualisation occurred when our perception of an ideal self was congruent with our behaviour (Rogers, 1951). He discovered a person can be helped to change and grow towards becoming their potential and believed “The organism has one basic tendency and striving - to actualize, maintain, and enhance the experiencing organism” (Rogers, 1951, p. 487).

Bozarth and Bodley (1991) describe the actualisation tendency as a natural human function which helps us overcome the effects of unfavourable or destructive circumstances. They list 10 characteristics inspired by Rogers’s theory and find that the actualisation tendency is individual and universal, holistic, constant, a directional process, tension increasing, autonomous, vulnerable to environment, manifests in a sub-system within the whole person, is a concept of consciousness and is always towards constructive social behaviour. They also believed the function of the concept of actualisation in therapy helped therapists understand the potential for growth and change in every client and that if certain conditions were created and communicated to the client, there would be the potential for growth. I also wonder if the actualising tendency has a function in the music we let in to our lives. Where we are drawn to sounds that we perceive as making us happy or sad, or where we hear lyrics that may evoke a sense of our own life story.

I will start by telling a story about a client who represents several young people I have worked with over the past few years as a counsellor. For the purposes of this article this person’s gender is fluid. They are called Normal and prefer the pronoun ‘they’. Normal is 18 years old and has left education and is not working. They tell me they like different kinds of music and feel alive when they listen and feel connected to the words, as if the songs are actually about their life. They tell me there once was a line in a song that helped them get a job. I cannot remember the line now but it was something about being an example to yourself.

Normal sometimes brings a phone into our therapy sessions and lets me hear songs that have some importance. At first, I used to think the songs were an interruption in some way and found some of the music difficult to listen to. The sound was completely different to the kind of music I usually listen to. At times I just wanted to focus on what was happening in Normal’s life; however I began to learn the songs were not in addition to the work we were doing, they were absolutely the work we were doing.

Normal has anxiety and low self-esteem. They also have issues around eating and worry how their body looks. They want to make something of their life and feel determined to succeed but say they lack the motivation. At times they can’t get out their bed. They describe having different parts of themselves. One part can be active and wants to do things; the other part is just lazy and just can’t be bothered. Some parts are logical, and others are emotional. They also have a part that wants to shout and scream and a part that just wants to stay quiet. There is a part who wants to die and a part who is too scared to die. There is a wise part and a reckless part. They have a part that wants to run away and a part that wants to stay at home. They remember they have a part that is still very young and a part that feels too old. They also wonder if it’s ok to still have toys at their age and tell me things they have never told anyone else. They also tell me things they have told their pets and bring in photos of relatives who have died. All these wonderful parts are welcome, and sometimes I am in awe at their ways of coping.

They are searching for something and find their way to therapy. They meet me regularly and bring their music. I know they are sharing something very special, and I listen as best as I can. I let them know what I think of the songs when they ask, as honestly as I can, and I am learning to move from judgement to reaching out to try and understand. I notice I could be a therapist for the rapper in the way I listen to their story, and I am interested in how Normal responds. Having the music in our session becomes part of our relationship. We imagine what’s going on for the singer or the rapper in the story that resonates with Normal. As I write the word ‘resonate’ I see ‘reason to dance’ and this reminds me of Normal moving to the music sometimes, dancing, with their eyes closed in the chair.

Normal seems to know this world well, as if they are inside the songs. They sometimes sing the words softly as they sit gently alongside the words. As I sit gently alongside Normal. This is Normal becoming part of the song with a stream of words, creating a picture of emotions in the rhythm, and the sound, and I am alive, listening. At times we share Normal’s story too, of being abused and neglected. Normal says they know where they want to go, they want to go forward but have to look back at the past. Normal tells me how isolated they feel and tells me about the shame they carry.

Sometimes they don’t need to explain as it seems the explaining is in the song. And I listen to the music and the words. I hear the words. I hear their words. Sometimes I look for the lyrics on the internet and print them out. Sometimes we talk about dreams, and I notice how they bring themselves, open, vulnerable, questioning, reflective, angry, sad, resourceful, grieving, creative and loving. It feels like they are more aware of their capabilities through the music and are learning and growing from the words. They feel validated. It is like Normal has found their voice shaped by another. It feels as if there is something inside Normal that is not yet able to be defined, and yet on the other hand is totally being defined by themselves every day being witnessed.

The music is another part of them, not all of them. There is something more to them, more than the sum of their parts which they can start to experience and believe in. And I find that when I am able to listen to their music there is something that connects me too. The story of the client from outside the session is brought in and offered as a gift to the therapy. We both seem to find our way with what emerges in us. I am connecting to my own sense of what I experience in the music as well as listening for the client. What is my client sensing here? What is my client singing here? There is great potential, if I can listen.

Although the tone and the texture of the music is not familiar, behind my own feelings lie all the possibilities of connecting with what the client may be connecting with. And I know the music may represent a vital part of them. And I remember that Normal described their life as if they suddenly woke up as an adult with lots of expectations on them and were expected to do something to fit in, but there were no instructions. They don’t know how to be yet.

They play computer games and sometimes wish they could live in a digital world instead and think the human world sucks. Normal is seeking help and wants things to be better or different and wants therapy to help them. They are following a direction inside themselves and they are here. They are here. Something has brought them to therapy, which feels like more than a desire to feel better. They also want to connect, they love music; it can soothe and give them hope.

Carl Rogers, on reflecting over his lifetime’s work, described the actualising tendency as the basis for all his thinking about therapy. He firmly believed that the success of the person-centred approach depended on the actualising tendency present in every living organism, and stated that:

In client centred therapy, the person is free to choose any direction, but actually selects positive and constructive pathways. I can only explain this in terms of a directional tendency inherent in the human organism –a tendency to grow, to develop, to realize its full potential. (Rogers, 1986, p.127)

And finally, when I first read about the idea of an ‘actualising tendency’ in my training as a person- centred therapist over 10 years ago it felt like music to my ears. I felt I immediately understood the concept being offered. It struck me as a sort of psychological freedom where the potential for growth and change, which I already believed in, was growing in abundance. It was a new theory, a new territory to explore, which offered a path to where I might want to be. And it seemed like all I already knew about myself could be carefully added to in some way.

I was no longer defined by different parts of me which presented themselves at times. There was a whole of me somewhere, a potential I could actually grow into. I began to understand the actualising tendency as a flow of inner energy driving towards something more affirming. I was learning that I was in a process of becoming the person I not only had the potential to be, but the person I was now. And, as all this was happening in my training to become a therapist, I recognised I was not only learning to facilitate the clients’ process of actualisation, but I was also discovering the actualising tendency in myself.

Now that I have experienced the actualising tendency in myself, I can connect to the actualising tendency in the client, and our potential for growth and change can become active in the therapeutic relationship. Particularly when we notice it, look for it, wait for it or even just believe in it, as there are ways of growth and change in being human we may not totally understand.

I believe as therapists we all have a contribution to make, to help others reach their potential and while we wait for the next client to appear we can think of this. We all have a space that is just waiting, and then a client will appear. They will be sitting in front of us soon. And how we both are, may be the start of a unique experience where we both have the ability to grow. It seems to me when we trust all that arises in the session we have found our purpose at that moment.

I am glad you have come to us. We will try and understand you. We can give you all the time you need. You are welcome here. We are connected to you. We believe in you. You are not on your own. You have come to the right place. You are welcome. 

Mike Moss is a BACP registered counsellor and supervisor and works in a school in Edinburgh. He has a small private practice and can be contacted at mike.moss@outlook.com.

References

Bozarth, J., & Brodley, B. (1991). Actualisation: A functional concept in client-centered therapy. Journal of Social Behavior & Personality, 6, 45–59.

Rogers, C.R. (1951). Client Centred Therapy. Constable.

Rogers, C. R. (1986). Rogers, Kohut, and Erickson: A personal perspective on some similarities and differences. Person-Centered Review, 1(2), 125–140.

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