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I’ve always been interested in aeroplanes. I recall as a child looking up at the vapour trails of jets crisscrossing the clear blue summer sky. I still look up at aeroplanes crossing overhead, but now I have an app on my phone to tell me what type of aircraft it is and where it is flying from and to. So, when my wife bought me a trial flying lesson it was the start of a very interesting journey.
I now have my private pilot’s licence for microlight aircraft. I learnt much along the way, about flying and also about myself. Upon reflection I think there are two major areas of learning. The first is learning how to control and manage the aircraft. The second – or should this be the first? - is learning how to control and manage my nervous system. As a psychotherapist I have a great deal of theoretical knowledge of the autonomic nervous system. I have accompanied many clients who were struggling with an overactive fear system and some whose nervous systems got triggered just by coming into a therapy room. Theoretical knowledge is very important for both my client and myself. However being in an environment where your nervous system is getting triggered on an ongoing basis brings a totally new understanding.
I wonder if there is something inherent in us humans to be afraid of heights. A few summers ago, my wife and I visited Inishmore in Galway Bay. On the island is the magnificent ruin of Dun Aonghasa fort, perched precariously on the edge of a huge cliff. One wonders how the builders managed such a feat. The good people of Inishmore were not as much into health and safety as some other places I’ve visited. There were no barriers, or yellow lines or big signs saying you could not go beyond a certain point. So almost all the people were venturing to walk up to the cliff edge. It was very interesting for me to observe, from the safety of 50 yards back, at what point did people’s nervous system stop their progression to the cliff edge. Some who ventured closer got down on their hands and knees, engaging “four-wheel drive” for safety. Some who went right up to the edge got down onto their bellies to make the last few feet to the edge where they could look down the cliff face to the mighty North Atlantic smashing against the rocks below.
It is exhilarating to take off in a light aircraft and fly up into the great blue sky and enjoy the view the eagles have of the land below. Generally speaking, I was not afraid of being up high – it was more the thought of coming back down to earth unexpectedly that could trigger fear. And so when we hit a piece of turbulence or thermal currents, and for a split second I had the sensation of falling, my amygdala thought we were going to die. This also happened during certain elements of the training itself, like taking the plane to the point of stalling to see if I could recover from the stall, or when the instructor deliberately put us into a spiral dive and said “Recover.”
These were the moments when my knowledge of the autonomic nervous system was of little practical use to me. But these moments taught me a lot about what happens when my nervous system is triggered. I tightened my grip on the joystick, my palms began to sweat and a growing trembling started to fill my body. It made me reflect on my efforts to invite a triggered client to breathe, or feel their feet on the floor. I did employ these techniques myself – counting my in-breaths and my out-breaths and focusing on my body. Yes, it could be helpful if I caught it in time, but if my fear was rampant these
efforts only frustrated me. So, what did I need to calm my fears? I think that when my nervous system reached a point of no return, what I needed was for my instructor to say “I have control”.
“I have control” and “You have control” are the phrases used by pilots to designate which of them is flying the aircraft. Either of them can be in control, but they need to be clear about which of them it is. When my instructor says “I am in control”, responsibility is taken from me and my nervous system can begin to stand down. The pounding heart in my chest can slow down and my body can take that deep breath that had been eluding me. Now I know we are safe and a sense of security returns. I think that security comes out of his confidence. This instructor has flown with many students. He has been in this situation many times before and he knows he can recover the aircraft. So when he takes over, the sense of danger passes.
What can I learn from this experience to bring to my therapy room? Firstly, I bring a much deeper empathy and understanding of the helplessness and powerlessness we can feel in the midst of autonomic nervous system activation. As a humanistic therapist I have tried to follow the client, reflecting back what I see and experience. But now I think much more is needed. I now believe that in order to de-escalate a client’s nervous system, I need to let them know that “I have control”. This taking control is done out of my own confidence and strength of being able to manage fear. So now when I am with a client whose nervous system is activated, I reflect inside myself on the question, “How can I communicate to you, verbally and non-verbally, that I have control?” Having the inner strength to step up and take control may give a moment’s respite to the turmoil inside the client and open the possibility of managing their fear system and learning that they too can take control.
After a few moments of steady flying my instructor will turn to me again and say, “You have control”. I will take control again, knowing that he is probably going to bring me right back to that same situation. But now I know what is going to happen to my nervous system and if necessary, the instructor may have to come in again and re-take control – or maybe this time I will manage to control it myself.
Seamus O’Kane (MIAHIP, SIAHIP) is in private practice psychotherapy in Co. Derry, working online and in person. Together with his wife Bernadette (MIAHIP, SIAHIP) they have also offered couples workshops for people who want to deepen and strengthen their relational bond.
IAHIP 2024 - INSIDE OUT 102 - Spring 2024